First Draft
-The introduction is solid but a little wordy, I don't think you need to include the intended audience sentence. The purpose sentence is a little hard to read.
- The first two body paragraphs need to go into the why of it all. Go into the fact that the toddler eating off the floor is a little moment one everyone experiences and how with the contrasting scene it shows how much the mom misses that little moment which is why we should cherish the moments where they may seem annoying then but one day the kid won't need you and you will miss that. I think the contrast of a moment that the mom is feeling overwhelmed and where she is playing could be explored. Why did they choose those moments?
- what is the deeper meaning behind the technology scene? How does this relatability persuade the viewer to cherish these moments or buy the product
-Yes the sound is there and it means everything that you said but why did they put it there
- Paragraph on facial explanations did a good job explaining how facial expressions play a role in the commercial I would further explain how that draws the audience in
- delete the intended audience paragraph it's not needed and doesn't answer the prompt. Intended audience has nothing to do with what tools are used to draw viewers in
- "Hallmark tries to use the emotion of tenderness and appreciation to persuade potential customers to purchase their products." add HOW they do this and THAT is your thesis.
- Overall you have good points however, you need to focus on why they use these things in the commercial and then how that influences buyers
- The first two body paragraphs need to go into the why of it all. Go into the fact that the toddler eating off the floor is a little moment one everyone experiences and how with the contrasting scene it shows how much the mom misses that little moment which is why we should cherish the moments where they may seem annoying then but one day the kid won't need you and you will miss that. I think the contrast of a moment that the mom is feeling overwhelmed and where she is playing could be explored. Why did they choose those moments?
- what is the deeper meaning behind the technology scene? How does this relatability persuade the viewer to cherish these moments or buy the product
-Yes the sound is there and it means everything that you said but why did they put it there
- Paragraph on facial explanations did a good job explaining how facial expressions play a role in the commercial I would further explain how that draws the audience in
- delete the intended audience paragraph it's not needed and doesn't answer the prompt. Intended audience has nothing to do with what tools are used to draw viewers in
- "Hallmark tries to use the emotion of tenderness and appreciation to persuade potential customers to purchase their products." add HOW they do this and THAT is your thesis.
- Overall you have good points however, you need to focus on why they use these things in the commercial and then how that influences buyers