1- I like the introduction; it transitions well into your thesis. I think the topic sentences could be stronger (like the claim explanation support thing, you just have the claims), but the message is still conveyed well. I would change one of the “effect” words in the third body paragraph’s topic sentence to something else though so it doesn’t sound redundant.
Overall your points are really well-made and the organization is good, it just needs some more transitions.
Overall your points are really well-made and the organization is good, it just needs some more transitions.