Discussion 1

Discussion 1

by Deleted user -
Number of replies: 3

     Before:

        When discussing the actual dialogue, Hultgren believes, “In asking the question about who is his neighbor, the lawyer is not seeking information…. The question really means: Where do I draw the line? How large must the circle be?”[1] This Hultgren quote reminds me of a children’s game, such as “hot lava.” If one exits the defined parameters, they are instantly engulfed by hot lava. Essentially, people residing in the lava are not neighbors.

After: 

       When discussing the actual dialogue, I noticed that Hultgren believes, “In asking the question about who is his neighbor, the lawyer is not seeking information…. The question really means: Where do I draw the line? How large must the circle be?”[1] This Hultgren quote reminds me of a children’s game, such as “hot lava.” If I exit the defined parameters, then I am instantly engulfed by hot lava. Essentially, since I reside in the lava, I am not a neighbor.

        

        Due to this change in the voice, the words become "more energetic, more persuasive, and easier to understand" (37). I believe improves my work because the audience can better relate to the author (me) and the text itself. Instead of a stranger playing the children's game, I am. It becomes more personal and conversational with "I."  



In reply to Deleted user

Re: Discussion 1

by Deleted user -
Sam, this is a really interesting shift. You throughly place yourself in the argument and allow yourself to grapple with the analysis in a much more personal way. Having read your paper, I think this may serve you well in your revisions. You have the final say, of course, but your imagery is much clearer this way. Instead of a disembodied "one" when it is "I" I sense the implications of such an argument more intently.
In reply to Deleted user

Re: Discussion 1

by Deleted user -
I really enjoy this change, Sam; I think it makes your sentence a little easier to understand, but it also makes your discussion more fun. I had to pause at first when reading your unedited version because I did not understand the introductory clause right away, but by putting it in to first person and establishing yourself as the player of the game, it makes the whole sentence much clearer.