Before: "Religion is commonly brought up when the question of identity is brought up; religion (or lack thereof) is integral to most people’s identities. Japan’s Nichiren school of Buddhism has cultivated a very peculiar identity in the eight centuries since its foundation. Unlike most other schools of Buddhism, this school seems very out of place from an outsider’s perspective. Nichiren is a militant school of Buddhism; Nichiren is an exclusive, single-minded, and sectarian school of Buddhism; Nichiren Buddhism is borderline eschatological in its interpretation of the Latter Day of the Law."
After: "In bringing up the topic of religion, the question of identity is often alongside it; religion (or lack thereof) is integral to most people's identities. Japan's Nichiren school of Buddhism is a cultivated and peculiar community that retains an equally peculiar identity that formed eight centuries ago. Unlike most other schools of Buddhism, this school seems very out of place from an outsider's perspective. Nichiren is a militant school of Buddhism; Nichiren is an exclusive, single-minded, and sectarian school of Buddhism; Nichiren Buddhism is borderline eschatological in its interpretation of the Latter Day of the Law."
I generally write in active voice, so I have fewer things to change in this context. Although I do believe that this more active way of writing this particular part of the essay helped get my point across in a more direct manner.