discussion

discussion

by Cole Myers -
Number of replies: 3

Before: "Nichiren believed his purpose was to spread Buddhism; Nichiren’s Buddhism could be spread only by the Lotus Sutra. The belief in the sutra was of the utmost importance, as well. If one did not devote themselves to this sutra, they would surely be reborn in a hell realm in the next or a not too far off life."

After: "Nichiren believed his purpose was to spread Buddhism; Nichiren’s Buddhism could spread only by way of the Lotus Sutra. The belief in the sutra was of the utmost importance, as well. If one did not devote themselves to this sutra, they would surely live in a hell realm in the next or a not too far off life."

For this one, I didn't have many things I could feasibly change. I learned this in HS so I avoid "be" except in cases of "to be..." things.


In reply to Cole Myers

Re: discussion

by Deleted user -
Cole, I think the phrase, "...Buddhism could be spread..." is passive, as well. The "could be" contributes to this. I know for me, it's very easy to write a passive phrase and not even realize it. I do recommend decluttering, such as deleting unnecessary prepositions, though.
In reply to Deleted user

Re: discussion

by Deleted user -
Cole, I agree with Sam. You could really turn this series of sentences on its head by simplifying your structure. Maybe throw in some stronger verbs, too. For example, " Worshiping the Lotus Sutra was crucial; failure to devote yourself fully meant future reincarnation in a Hell Realm." Just a thought.