1. Before: When I envision this parable being globally shared for a large period of time, I think of the game “telephone.”
-After: When I envision this parable journeying the world, I think of the game “telephone.”
-removal of a“be” verb, clutter, and unnecessary adverb
-As the book says, “Among the most persistent contributors to clutter are prepositions.” (53)
2. Before: Again, Christians’ identities are challenged.
-After: Again, Christians’ identities endure challenges.
-This replaces the “be” verb of “are.” Removal of passive verb construction
3. Before: This supplementary knowledge is likely haphazardly overlooked by many.
-After: Many haphazardly overlook this supplementary knowledge.
-Rewrote passive construction, reduced adverbs
-This definitely improves my writing because the sentences are less bland and chaotic. Readers want “vivid verbs” and less clutter. It makes the writing easier to read.