Discussion 2

Discussion 2

by Collin Cortinas -
Number of replies: 2

Before: While this is an extremely popular tale told with minor detail in Genesis, Milton fills in the gaps of God’s character and logic, as well as the perspective of the serpent himself as he tempts humanity into sin. This midrash has been the subject of much criticism in the Judeo-Christian community, as it has become very intermingled with scripture itself to the point that many quotes are being mixed up.

After: While the popular tale was told with minor detail in Genesis, Milton fills in the gaps of God's character and logic and explores the perspective of the serpent himself as he tempts humanity into sin. This midrash is the subject of much criticism in the Judeo-Christian community as it has become very intermingled with scripture, with many quotes being mixed up.

I think this rewrite just gets rid of a lot of the clutter and helps me become more concise with what I am trying to say. I think it is an improvement!

In reply to Collin Cortinas

Re: Discussion 2

by Deleted user -
This is a great edit, Collin! I know I struggle with conciseness a lot, and I think this chapter certainly helps to cut the excess from our sentences. Looking good!
In reply to Collin Cortinas

Re: Discussion 2

by Maude Sutton -
I think this is a good rewrite.

One suggestion (perhaps for future discussion): you might try rewriting the second sentence by moving sections around, for example: "While the popular tale was told with minor detail in Genesis, Milton fills in the gaps of God's character and logic and explores the perspective of the serpent himself as he tempts humanity into sin. This midrash has become so well known that it is often confused with scripture, with many details from Paradise Lost popularly attributed to the Bible, such as naming the serpent as Satan (or give another example here). Because of this, the Judeo-Christian community has often criticized the work."