Pardon my jargon

Pardon my jargon

by Deleted user -
Number of replies: 2

Before: 

The physical and political founding of the Church was surrounded by empire rule. Under the Roman Empire the great commission navigated systems that punished insubordination by death, and many early Christians were met with this fate. Interaction with Roman rule set the foundation for the Church’s understanding of existence. As more of the Roman Empire was converted to Christianity, the converts brought philosophies and values which entered into the conversation such as gender roles and house codes, thus beginning the longstanding history of controlling bodies.

 

After: 

The Christian Church’s founding occurred under Roman Empirical rule--the Romans dominated the Middle East entirely through establishing local governments and force. Even under the Roman Empire’s strict guidelines, the Apostles journeyed far and wide. Under the great commission--Jesus’s decree to the faithful to go out into the world and make disciples of all nations--believers navigated systems that punished insubordination by death. Existence under Roman laid the Church’s foundational identity. As Christianity spread, converts brought new philosophies and values into the Religion’s basic nature through gender roles and house codes--a Roman understanding of household hierarchy. In this way, Christianity slowly morphed from a radical religion built on inclusion and established itself to fit in as it became more popular. 



In reply to Deleted user

Re: Pardon my jargon

by Deleted user -
Cosette, when reading your response to my discussion 3, I completely agree and relate with you. This topic was conflicting. Shouldn't one know these terms, since we are in a 300-level religion class? The paper is written and read by individuals with a religion major(possibly minor? I'm unsure), so shouldn't they have a solid understanding of the topics? Why delete or defend such words? Especially for me, sometimes it's difficult to part ways with your own bad writing. It's easy to become attached, but this is a different situation. We are told to delete the words, even though the words are good. For example, this section made you explain the term, "house codes." Isn't this something we learned in Intro to Christianity? Shouldn't everyone know this? It seems as though this section encourages unnecessary, excess writing. I agree, Cosette. I struggle with this section, as well.
In reply to Deleted user

Re: Pardon my jargon

by Collin Cortinas -
Cosette,
Good revision. Cutting out words that you chose because you feel that they fit best is something that can be really hard, and it is certainly something I struggle with a lot. I tend to love my own writing first, and criticize it later.