Discussion 2

Discussion 2

by Deleted user -
Number of replies: 2

Before:

1.     Additionally, by aligning with this alternate perspective, humans will strive to evoke more empathy towards each other, in hopes they would have the exact outcome if they were struggling. We can acknowledge social justice. By placing oneself in the ditch, one will understand firsthand the tribulations that certain people face in this world and can fully empathize.

2.     This Hultgren quote reminds me of a children’s game, such as “hot lava.” If I exit the defined parameters, then I’m instantly engulfed by hot lava. Essentially, since I reside in the lava, I’m not a neighbor.

3.     When I envision this parable journeying the world, I think of the game “telephone.” Every listener is sitting crisscross applesauce and giggling with a large smile plastered to their face.

4.     Faith is a massive platform for numerous, everlasting questions. It doesn’t provide one answer. That would be too easy.

After:

1.     Additionally, by aligning with this alternate perspective, humans will strive to evoke more empathy towards each other, in hopes they would have the exact outcome if they were struggling. We can acknowledge social justice. Suppose you are the victim in the uncomfortable, rough ditch. You’re shaking, panicking, and experiencing waves of pain. Two men ignore you, so you’re becoming less assured. Then, this man, your enemy, confidently approaches you with accepting arms. You smile, even though, at the same time, you’re wincing and shuddering, due to the pain. You are safe. By placing oneself in the ditch, one will understand firsthand the tribulations that certain people face in this world and can fully empathize.

2.     This Hultgren quote reminds me of a children’s game, such as “hot lava.” For example, if I exit the defined parameters, then I’m instantly engulfed by hot lava. Essentially, since I reside in the lava, I’m not a neighbor.

3.     When I envision this parable journeying the world, I think of the game “telephone,” for example. Every listener is sitting crisscross applesauce and giggling with a large smile plastered to their face.

4.     Faith is a massive platform for numerous, everlasting questions. It doesn’t provide one answer. That would be too easy. Faith is like a gumball machine. It houses many colorful, vibrant beliefs and inquiries.


In reply to Deleted user

Re: Discussion 2

by Deleted user -
Sam,
I really enjoy your childlike examples. It adds some brevity to your paper and is a fun moment of nostalgia for the reader. Peppering these examples throughout will really help your reader regroup and make connections between your points.
In reply to Deleted user

Re: Discussion 2

by Maude Sutton -
Re: #3-- I like the imagery, but "crisscross applesauce" may not be understood by someone from another country reading your paper. You may want to just use "cross legged" instead.

Re: #4-- I really like the vividness of this imagery, but I am not quite following the logic. Could you spell it out a bit more? Are you thinking of faith as something that can hold multiple answers simultaneously? That faith does not mean a single interpretation of a text? Why do you believe this?

I think that your first sentence "Faith is a massive platform...." could be rewritten for clarity.