smart sentencing

smart sentencing

by Deleted user -
Number of replies: 0

Old: Jewish people were excited, but their idea of God saving them was not exactly on par with what God had planned

New: Jewish people were anxious to find relief from the suffering, but their idea of God saving them may not have been the same as His

Old: I think we can all agree that the Jews expected someone or something to come down and save them from their many years of slavery

New: The Jewish people probably expected a strong, courageous, powerful man to save them from their many years of slavery, as they should have.

I tried to focus on low level verbs and phrases that were just boring to read.  I focused on trying to grip the reader and make them want to read more. I also rephrased a few lines to get rid of unnecessary pronouns and verbose wording.