I still have stuff that needs to be changed and cleaned up but this is the rough synopsis
Just replying here for the record (I already sent this in an email):
This synopsis has a better finale, where it makes sense about Joaquin’s killing of Sivern.
In responding to your treatment, I said the following:
One suggestion – at the end, Joaquin learns where Sivern kept his “fortune.”
Where exactly? In what form is the fortune? Just a bunch of cash?
Perhaps it would be more conflicting if the “fortune” is tied up in the slave trade. Joaquin can’t really access it unless he sells slaves, but obviously this is immoral, so he must choose to give up the fortune.
This synopsis has a better finale, where it makes sense about Joaquin’s killing of Sivern.
In responding to your treatment, I said the following:
One suggestion – at the end, Joaquin learns where Sivern kept his “fortune.”
Where exactly? In what form is the fortune? Just a bunch of cash?
Perhaps it would be more conflicting if the “fortune” is tied up in the slave trade. Joaquin can’t really access it unless he sells slaves, but obviously this is immoral, so he must choose to give up the fortune.
Updated one-pager with changes that happen in the screenplay, all highlighted in pink