As I said earlier, you should NOT be working on your treatment yet. You need to refine your 1-page synopsis. Did you read my notes about your previous one? Here is a summary:
Beginning: Samantha meets Jordan
PP1: Jordan and Samantha fall in love, but Jordan is distant sometimes
MP: Discovery of the flyer on the wall
PP2: they go for a walk
Climax: Jordan commits suicide
Resolution: We reveal the experimenters (but what happens to Samantha?)
You have some improvement in the set up, and I can see how this could turn into a good feature-length story. The middle and end are still too sparse. Write up more scenes, ups and downs, etc.
How do you want the audience to feel when the movie is over?
First, clarify who is the main character? It seems to be Samantha at first, then it seems to shift to Jordan. What are their goals? Besides just having a job and wanting to party with her friends, what gives Samantha individuality? What is Samantha’s goal? As the plot with Jordan progresses, you need to give her information so that she can react and then actively try to help.
You can reveal in Act 2 and Act 3 that Jordan has two conflicting goals: 1. to remain alive, and 2. to accept that he will die soon and to live life to the fullest. This is a powerful scenario, because he keeps changing his mind. Perhaps his new love for Samantha convinces him to try to survive.
What actually causes his death? What do the scientific study men actually do? If Jordan knows his death date, why doesn’t he simply let death come to him, rather than committing suicide?
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Rewrite the 1-page synopsis ASAP and upload it to Moodle. I’ll send this same reply to Moodle.
Beginning: Samantha meets Jordan
PP1: Jordan and Samantha fall in love, but Jordan is distant sometimes
MP: Discovery of the flyer on the wall
PP2: they go for a walk
Climax: Jordan commits suicide
Resolution: We reveal the experimenters (but what happens to Samantha?)
You have some improvement in the set up, and I can see how this could turn into a good feature-length story. The middle and end are still too sparse. Write up more scenes, ups and downs, etc.
How do you want the audience to feel when the movie is over?
First, clarify who is the main character? It seems to be Samantha at first, then it seems to shift to Jordan. What are their goals? Besides just having a job and wanting to party with her friends, what gives Samantha individuality? What is Samantha’s goal? As the plot with Jordan progresses, you need to give her information so that she can react and then actively try to help.
You can reveal in Act 2 and Act 3 that Jordan has two conflicting goals: 1. to remain alive, and 2. to accept that he will die soon and to live life to the fullest. This is a powerful scenario, because he keeps changing his mind. Perhaps his new love for Samantha convinces him to try to survive.
What actually causes his death? What do the scientific study men actually do? If Jordan knows his death date, why doesn’t he simply let death come to him, rather than committing suicide?
--
Rewrite the 1-page synopsis ASAP and upload it to Moodle. I’ll send this same reply to Moodle.