Final Draft
Overall: 90/100
Structure – 29/30%
Looking for a clear Plot Point 1 and Plot Point 2
And a Midpoint: an unexpected Middle in Act 2, tied to the climax
Good improvements from the first draft. Act 3 really comes through now. As I noted in the margins on the hard copy, you could shorten the flashback scene. But if you want to show more of Jack when he’s alive, then try to infuse some characteristics in his personality that Levi later sees in Jack the dog.
Character – 29/30%
Golden Rule/Dramatic Need
Character Arc
Levi is a good character with a clear need. He is a little bit passive, but otherwise he has a good character arc.
Visual Writing/Description/Dialogue – 17/20%
Visual descriptions (and aural)
Sharp dialogue
Some of your visual descriptions are great. And sometimes you forget and write something internal or non-visual.
Format – 15/20%
Professional format, spelling, grammar
Still have some errors in grammar, punctuation, etc. And you need to write in present tense.
Try to correct the format errors that I noted and not make the same mistakes for the next script. New characters need to be in ALL CAPS when you introduce them.
Structure – 29/30%
Looking for a clear Plot Point 1 and Plot Point 2
And a Midpoint: an unexpected Middle in Act 2, tied to the climax
Good improvements from the first draft. Act 3 really comes through now. As I noted in the margins on the hard copy, you could shorten the flashback scene. But if you want to show more of Jack when he’s alive, then try to infuse some characteristics in his personality that Levi later sees in Jack the dog.
Character – 29/30%
Golden Rule/Dramatic Need
Character Arc
Levi is a good character with a clear need. He is a little bit passive, but otherwise he has a good character arc.
Visual Writing/Description/Dialogue – 17/20%
Visual descriptions (and aural)
Sharp dialogue
Some of your visual descriptions are great. And sometimes you forget and write something internal or non-visual.
Format – 15/20%
Professional format, spelling, grammar
Still have some errors in grammar, punctuation, etc. And you need to write in present tense.
Try to correct the format errors that I noted and not make the same mistakes for the next script. New characters need to be in ALL CAPS when you introduce them.