Sydney Riley
Nice story! I like that her story is positive and does not have scary surprises. I also love the way she tells her story; she starts it by mentioning herself, then she goes on to describe everything around her in detail. I also like the fact that she keeps exploring new places in her dream, for example, moving from the first city to the hiding city, and there is always someone to guide her; for instance, in the first city, the woman she met is your guide and then the children who took you to the water. Also, the end of the story was so awesome. I love how the fact that a kid leads his head on her shoulder because this shows her personality as a good person inside the dream. The more I read it, the more excited I got to see the end of her dream. Moving from one place to another is a good way that makes me read to the end of this story because once she mentioned the new city, I started wondering what this city looked like and what would happen to her in this new city. Her story was very engaging, and she well-described everything that happened to her in her story.
Her grammar looks good, and I did not see fragment sentences, misbilling, or grammar errors. I think overall, she did a great job, her story was great, and her writing skill was great as well. The only think I would recommend if she elaborated more in the end of her story why the people she see in the end of her dream are special?
Dhruv Patel
Exciting story. What I love the most about his story is that he continues to show throughout his dream the absence of people in his school and wherever he goes starting from his school bus. I kept reading his story to the end because the more I read it, the more I wondered and wanted to know why there was no one in his dream and what would be the end of the story. I did not expect the story's ending to be someone in his dream that would wake him up. It is a unique and exciting end. I never had a dream where someone from my dream would help wake me up.
He has a nice story with a good beginning and an exciting end. I would recommend giving more description about the places he sees in his dream. For example, how the empty building he walked into looked old new, white, red, dark, or light in it. This would make the reader more engaged and feel how Dhruv feels. For example, if the building is dark, the reader will immediately think Dhruv is not feeling confutable inside this building. Also, there are some grammar errors. For example, he uses the present and past tense at the end; he wrote, "I woke up from the dramatic exit scared but happy it was over as the alarm clock rings again, it's 8:00 AM." He used past tense in the first sentence, "woke," and present tense in the second sentence, "rings."